Always, But Not Now
by crazilazigurl
Summary: Rebecca and Edgar discuss a tryst


**Title:** Always, But Not Now  
**Fandom:** Heroes  
**Characters/Pairing:** Rebecca/Edgar  
**Table:** Time  
**Prompt:** None  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings:** None  
**Word Count:** 1, 884  
**Summary:** Edgar and Rebecca discuss a tryst!  
**Notes:** Hope you enjoy this pairing. Interested in doing more with them! Thanks!

I sat there waiting for him to show up. He was good at doing things fast. But, since that night, he'd been slow. Not in all things, just in all things involving me.

So, I sat. Looking back and forth through the dead carnival, hoping that he'd show.

"Rebecca," He said as he arrived in front of the trailer. "How are you today?"

I was startled by his appearance. I knew he was coming, but I hadn't really thought of him being here. His voice was low, like he didn't want anyone to know he was talking to me. He walked so slow, it was like he was dreading this meeting.

"I'm good," I started as I stood to greet him. I reached out to hug him, and his quick jerk away from me stopped me from coming any closer. "Sorry."

He shook his head, and then looked from left to right. Checking the scene to make sure that we were the only two present. "It's just, you know, let's not make a scene." He nodded.

I understood that we had to keep our tryst a secret from Samuel and the rest of the family. At least until Samuel was over his journey to complete our family. He wouldn't approve of me dating Edgar. And, I'm not sure I even approve of it. But, when he's all I've ever known, it's hard to think of me being with anyone else.

"How's school going?" He said taking a step back, and noticing that one of the field hands was walking towards us. He nods at the guy and smiles. His meager question was really just filler.

I ignore the field hand and turn to walk into the nearby trailer. "You coming?" I don't wait for him to answer as I open the door and walk inside.

It's small, quiet, private. I look around. It looks like one of the trapeze artist's tents. All their spandex, tight walk wands, and powder lying around. "School's fine," I say as he walks in the door.

His tall, muscular stature never really appealed to me before. But, after our first kiss, I realized how much I needed his strong arms wrapped around me, always.

He nods, "That's good." He walks over to the chair, takes a seat, and glances in the mirror. I can see the worry in his eyes. But, there's something else too.

"Are you okay, Edgar?" I ask, wanting to know what's bothering him.

"Not really," he says not taking his eyes off the mirror. He looks around the room, and fixes his eyes on the wooden beam leaning against the trailer. He eyes it for a second, takes a knife out of his back pocket, and hurls it at the wood. He misses.

I take a step towards him, and look from the knife to the wood, to him. He never misses. He could hit a fly with his skill and his speed. "Tell me then," I say taking another step towards him. I'm careful not to just run up to him. I don't want to be too forceful.

"I'm not sure," he says standing to get his knife and looking only at the wood. He flings it the wood again. This time nailing it. "I'm lost here."

He's been down this path before. A romance in the carnival. With Lydia. It didn't work out so well. But, here he is again. Trying with me. I'm not sure I'm ready. But, I love who he is to me. He's my protector, my confidante, my lover. And, when I think of few times we've spent together, I can't see myself with anyone else. I can't see myself loving another man. I want to love him always. But, I'm not sure we can keep this under wraps much more.

"If it makes you any happier," I begin, finally reaching him. "I'm not entirely sure I know how to handle this either." I place my hand under his chin and raise his face to meet mine.

He stares into my eyes, and I can feel his intensity. I can feel his love; I can feel his lust; I can feel his fear. He makes a sly laugh, "No, Rebecca, that's doesn't make me feel any better." I let my hands fall, thinking better of the kiss I was about to give him.

I lean against the makeup table and stare blankly into the nothingness going on outside. "Well, what do you suppose we do?" I ask hoping that he will tell me he wants nothing more than to be with me always. That we are meant to be, and that nothing is going to stand in our way. I want him to stare into my eyes the way he did when we first realized our love.

_He stood inches away from my face. Samuel had sent him to check on me. In my dorm room, all alone, with my roommate gone for the night, I found myself drawn to the unknowing of the moment. Drawn to his fire. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his solid chest, and held me there. I didn't know where this had come from, but I wasn't fighting either. He tilted his head and pressed his lips to mine. At first, softly. Then, as the passion kicked in and I pressed back, his lips ferociously pushed against mine. When he pulled back, the look of lust and guilt in his eyes was intense. And, I must have looked just as shocked because he whispered, "I'm sorry" in my ear and began to release me. I wrapped my arms around his neck to stop him, and before I could get a grasp on the situation, I blurted out, "I love you, Edgar." He took a deep breath, stared deeper into my eyes, and kissed me again…_

"It's just hard to do this," he said taking me out of my thoughts. "I mean, I care for you, but the sneaking around. It's not fair to you.' He looked up to see if I was listening.

I nodded, but was still wrapped up in the passion of that night. "What," I said when I noticed he was staring at me.

He laughed, and his smile did nothing to calm my desire. "You're not even listening."

"No, I am." I bite my lip. His arms flexed as he twirled his knife in his hands. I was beyond listening.

He stood, and faced me. "I was saying how all this sneaking around is not fair for you." He was saying these words, but his mind was already onto something else.

"Oh," I said between deep breaths. "It's not hurting me (breath) I mean, it's for the best right now (breath) right?" I was not into talking right now.

"Sure," he said. He stood to meet my gaze and get my attention. And, he definitely had it standing this close to me. His fingers traced a trail from my hands up to my shoulders. He held them tight, and slid them up and down my arms. It sent a chill up my spine and I let out a sigh.

He let his lips find my mouth and began to kiss me softly. I let my arms hang at my side. Not sure that if I touched him I'd be able to stop. He kept his hands wrapped around my arms, but was squeezing tighter as our kiss got more passionate.

He pulled away, "Rebecca, we have to do something about this." He took a deep breath and stepped back.

"Why." I said letting the fervor of his kiss take over my body. "It's time we just let us be."

He looked at me confused, "And, how do you think we go about doing that?"

"Um," I was still on that high. "We can be together while I'm on campus."

He shook his head no, "And, how do I get off the carnival grounds without having an assignment?"

I was frustrated with all these questions. I just wanted him again. Like before. I wanted him close to my body. I wanted our clothes on the floor, and our bodies rubbing in a passion-filled, loving embrace.

He sees that I'm not there. "Look, Rebecca, I know I care for you. A great deal. But, it's not the time for us right now." He says sternly, but his voice is soft with adoration.

That brings me out of my high, and I whisper, "I know, I know." The reality of the situation hits me harder than I wanted it to. "But, the way I feel about you isn't just going to go away that quickly."

He nods, "I understand that. But, we have to try. I want you too Rebecca. And, when we were together that night…" His voice trials off and breaks.

"It was amazing," I say finishing his thought. I step closer to him. "It was for me, at least."

He's thinking about it, "For me too." He brushes my hair back and again his touch excites me. "But, it's too dangerous. If Samuel finds out…" He just shakes his head instead of saying what will happen.

I let my head rest in his hands, "Yeah, that would be a problem."

"I'll always be there for you, you know that right, Rebecca?"

"Yeah, I know."

"But, it just not the time for us."

I nod instead of respond. Tears well up in my eyes at the thought of not being able to share my love with him. He holds me close and his smell is intoxicating. I take a breath in to soak it up.

"Don't cry," he says into my hair. "I'm here, you know that."

"I know," I say choking on my emotions. "But, I want you now, not later." I look up at him, hoping that maybe I can convince him that we can do this now.

"No," he says taking his protective stance, "We have to wait Rebecca."

"I love how you call me Rebecca," I say letting my head rest on his chest again.

He chuckles at that, "I like calling you that."

"So, we're waiting?" I ask.

"Yes," he breathes. "Until it's the right time."

I nod, as he releases me and walks to the door. "Okay, I guess." I look down and wipe the tears.

He doesn't turn to see my tears, but before he walks out the door, "I love you, Rebecca."

My head perks up, and I look at him. He's one step down now, and I walk to him. I look back and forth to make sure no one is walking by. "I love you too, Edgar." I lean forward and steal a kiss. He doesn't pull away. But, he doesn't kiss back either.

He nods, and smiles, "Always."

I roll my eyes, as I understand, "But not now."

"Right," he says kiss my forehead and walks away.

I look at him as he walks away. Everything in my body is telling me to run after him and tell him to hell with Samuel; tell him we need to be. But, I don't I just stand and let him walk away with our future. Knowing, and understanding, that when the time is right, we'll be.


End file.
